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Local gaming group, known to friends and acquaintances as The Five Amigos, reached a landmark 100th session of a one-shot that started over 2 years ago. The feat marks the longest any member of the group has played in a serial game. “I once played in a group that lasted about a year,” says newcomer to the group Elaine Groose. “But this one-shot designed to last 4 hours has lasted much longer than that.”

The adventure in question, “A Trivial Jaunt to Plainville”, can function as a stand alone adventure, but was mostly intended to be filler according to its author Jens Olverbach. “I wrote it to be bland, generic, so that it could be easily placed inside a larger campaign setting,” says Olverbach. “If it wasn’t for the random encounter table, I’d say it’s only good for about an hour or so.”

The entire group celebrated the achievement, complete with a themed cake and an extended session, but newcomer to gaming James Leifwich might be the most proud of the achievement. “This is my first time playing (Dungeons and Dragons),” says Leifwich. “And the flexibility of this one-shot has been perfect. Maybe one day I’ll be ready to join a regular campaign, but it seems so intimidating to commit to something for that long. For now I’ll just keep playing this one-shot every week.”

The group’s founder, Josh Actson, has enjoyed the immersive world and endless lore that the one-shot offers the players. “Sure, we could follow the bread crumbs and face the main antagonist,” admits Actson. “But there is a whole world to explore in this sandbox. We could probably spend another 10 hours talking to one of the 4 NPCs.”

The game’s dungeon master, Ellie Duehan, isn’t as excited about the situation. “I wish they would end it,” says Duehan. She doesn’t want to ruin the experience for the other players, but for her the game is starting to drag on. “At first it was fun trying to milk as much as possible out of these 3 pages. It was a challenge. But now they’re trying to write a biography of an NPC I just made up.” The silver lining for Duehan is that her efforts have been well received, both in the group and from those outside of it. “I’m actually compiling everything together to publish. It’s too much for one campaign, but I think I could spread it out over several books.”

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Local bard, Aman “Laffs” Lunphney, has agreed to perform his stand-up comedy act “They’ll Cancel Me For This” within a 20-foot-radius sphere of Silence at the Emperor’s Royal Hall in the capital city of Blackguard. Reports from our sources indicate that the Imperial Ministry of Culture found that the Silence spell would be easier than writing out the long list of banned topics.

The announcement early today shocked many as Lunphney has been very vocal about the necessity of free speech within the Shadow Empire, and agreeing to perform under the effects of a Silence spell seems to contradict that view. However, Lunphney explained to The Dungeon Tribune that when he advocates for absolute free speech, he doesn’t mean in all scenarios. “I advocate for absolute free speech, but mostly for people who don’t have anything meaningful to say,” Lunphney declared. “Like, I think you should be able to say slurs and amplify bigoted stereotypes. You know, make fun of the less fortunate. I don’t think free speech applies to people trying to voice concerns over important things like human rights or political opposition.”

Free speech issues aside, there are many within the arts community who take issue with the performance, and fail to see the artistic merit of performing a genre with a large auditory component in silence. “I don’t see the point,” says Professor of Bardic Studies, Elaj Boardtreader. “If it were someone with more artistic integrity, I would say this is some sort of avante-garde performance art, perhaps an illustration of the futility of speaking truth to power. But I’m not sure someone rehashing halfling jokes that were trite decades ago is capable of that.”

Some of the more cynical within the community believe the event to be born from ulterior motives. “While I wouldn’t put it past Emperor Tyran to spend money on entertainment he won’t enjoy,” says Belile The Headliner, a bard currently in exile from the Empire. “I believe this event is clearly an attempt to rehabilitate the Empires’ image within the rest of The Mountain Realm. Many within the Realm look upon the Shadow Empire with contempt due to the mandatory necromancy. But it’s going to take more than a comedy show to make people forget those atrocities, they’ll probably need some professional wrestling too.”

Belile is similarly critical of Lunphney. “People are going to call me jealous because I didn’t get to perform for an evil dictator,” begins Belile. “But it’s pretty clear (Lunphney) is desperate to take this gig. I don’t know if he needs the gold, per se. It may just be that he’s desperate for attention and validation. I just wish he’d get it through hard work and dedication, or through whoring around like the rest of us bards.”

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Long time Dungeon Master, Gabe Kirtbloom, passed away on Friday after rocks fell through the 1st floor ceiling and landed on his chair at the head of the dining room table. Kirtbloom was running a game at the time, and while none of the other players at the table suffered any major injuries, many claim the event to be a traumatic one. “One moment we’re playing, and the next he’s buried beneath several large boulders,” says game night regular Elizabeth Pelmquod, “They must have done at least 20d6 damage. I don’t think I can get over it.” Fellow player Alexis Smirclout can’t help but blame themselves. “I don’t think I caused it, but I could have been more prepared,” says Smirclout. “I neither had a pickaxe nor diamonds worth at least 300gp.”

In the aftermath, elder statesman Stan Greenest expressed a sense of mortality to The Dungeon Tribune. “Just like that, it can all end. Even if it isn’t falling rocks, this life is full of hazards. You could be crossing the street and get hit by a bus, or fall in a manhole.” In situations like these it’s not uncommon for witnesses to imagine themselves as the victim. “I almost volunteered to guest DM. I wouldn’t have even gotten a saving throw,” laments Greenest.

For one member of the group present at the table, the sudden death of their Dungeon Master is far from shocking. “These things happen when you aren’t careful,” says Archie Lass. “I kept telling him he should check his ancient poisoned rock collection with a 10 foot pool to make sure they’re secure. He never made time for it.” Lass hopes that the events will at least have the silver lining of being a cautionary tale. “Check your traps, and check them often. Because even if one person dies from their own pit of spikes, it’s one too many.”

A celebration of Kirtbloom’s life will be held at the local inn in the coming week. In lieu of flowers, Kirtbloom’s family asks that you donate to the Victims of Poorly Designed Traps Fund.

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Local conjurer of dark magic, Avis Ganderolm, spoke out against the current alignment system earlier today during a debate event at Rendhaven Wizard Academy. The alignment system, which is widely used to categorize extra-dimensional beings, has also been adopted to label native humanoids and their actions. With regards to the latter aspect, Ganderolm criticized the system for being too simplistic. “There should be more nuance,” Ganderolm explains while answering a question about whether he is chaotic evil or neutral evil, “you know, to confuse people.” Ganderolm continued, “Even within the good/evil dynamic, we should have shades of grey. For example, if I desecrate the remains of 1,000 bodies by reanimating them to fight an army of 999 reanimated bodies I earlier created, doesn’t that make me less evil than someone who just created the 999 zombies?”

During an interview later with The Dungeon Tribune, Ganderholm was asked to elaborate. “There is real evil out there! For example, people are having empathy! The forces of Good are conspiring to make people care about each other. But if you go against the forces of good, say by summoning demons to kill everyone just to make sure you get all the Good conspirators, they call you evil! There should at least be a third option where you are evil, but you’re only evil to oppose good, because they are the true evil.”

Professor of Alignment studies, Jeld Cogni, is the first to admit that the simple 9 alignment system commonly used is far from perfect, but he still sees it as useful. “Of course the world and its inhabitants are too complex for the current alignment system, but that is by design. Models have to be simplistic, if we could understand the complexity of every ethical decision, we wouldn’t need to simplify it.” Cogni later states that in this scenario, it is the simplicity of the system that we need most. “We need to be able to look at the actions of individuals, and say ‘This is wrong!’ Of course, I’m not going to do that because I don’t really follow politics.”

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Since being discovered, the cursed sword known as Kringit, has provided intrigue and speculation within the adventuring group The King’s Least. So much, in fact, that it has completely overshadowed it’s owner, Gregog Whitemeat. “Apparently, a grave sacrifice was made to forge the blade, a sacrifice that still pulls at the souls of all mankind,” says fellow party member Gatsol Herbbler. “That’s so cool! I don’t know what it means, but I can’t stop thinking about it!” But when asked about Whitemeat, Hebbler noted that he “dealt pretty good damage.” The party’s newest member, Poirish Altjurn, told The Dungeon Tribune that she hopes on day she can be as engaging. “Kringit is so compelling! Everyone wants to talk to it when we go into town and try to unearth it’s mysteries.” The sorcerer was so caught up in the excitement, Altjurn needed to be reminded that Whitemeat is the one who carries Kingrit. “Honestly, I sometimes forget he is there.”

Those within the County Sheffholm have also found the sentient blade as source of conversation. “I heard that Kringit was once a man who was imprisoned in the blade for an awful crime, and could only be freed when he proved himself worthy,” says Earl Gruft, innkeeper at the Tapping Stallion Inn. “Whenever people ask me about rumors, it’s always the one people are most interesting in hearing.” Despite wielding the sword, Whitemeat isn’t as popular a topic. “Every once in awhile someone asks who the generic looking fighter is. All I can tell them is that he takes great pride in using Action Surge.”

“‘It’s odd,” notes town mage Angnus. “No one knows much about Whitemeat, which you would think would generate some speculation, an air of mystery. But just looking at him you feel like you know all there is to him.” Meanwhile, rumors circulate regarding the sword. “There is so much lore to the blade. It’s almost like someone went to the effort to make this sword interesting, but it fell into the hands of someone whose whole personality is based on hitting things with sharp objects.”

When asked for comment, Whitemeat indicated that he isn’t interested in having a backstory. “I’m just hear to hang out with my friends and share some snacks.”

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Former adventurer Olesh Finemantle shocked her fellow adventurers by immediately leaving the party after the first encounter, announcing her retirement. Most of the party was left bewildered at the newly graduated wizard’s actions. “It was our first encounter, and she left as soon as we split the goblins’ loot,” says the group’s rogue, Tark Elkkington. “No one had even taken damage yet. I don’t think she even used a spell slot.” The group’s cleric, Rodrick Myrrh told The Dungeon Tribune that he was stunned. “At first I thought someone had messed up and she was leaving for a better group. That would have made sense, ” says Myrrh. “But until she later explained that her share of the loot was enough to retire, and I couldn’t believe it.”

While the wizard’s decision baffled the rest of the group, for the paladin, Brightheart Holyhammer, the decision made sense. “I thought about, and I realized I didn’t have much reason to continue on either,” says Holyhammer. “I understand adventuring is something you kind of just go along with, but with the 100g we found on those goblins, I could buy a farm and spend my days volunteering at the clinic laying on hands. I decided it was the right decision for me, and I can always come back to adventuring if I need to.”

Firemantle herself didn’t plan on leaving initially. “I was genuinely planning on completing the job of clearing the goblin cave, but the very first one we ran into must have been the treasurer, because he was pushing a wheelbarrow full of gold,” explains Firmantle. “It was just there for the taking. Seems like a huge mistake keeping that amount of treasure at the front of the lair, but I’m not complaining.”

Despite the abandonment of the mission, the group still managed to create the desired outcome of the quest. “The gold in question was the goblin’s entire hoard,” says The King’s Liaison to Adventurers, Alfred Marque. “They were saving it to finance a war against our local outpost. And taking the gold essentially ended their threat for now.” Marque now sees the potential of such tactics on a grander scale. “It certainly is a more efficient way of dealing with threats, and we’ll be developing ways to utilize this strategy in the future.”

As for Firemantle, she plans to go into business with her newly acquired gold. “There’s no reason I can’t pay others to do quests for me while I sit on the beach!”

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The newly fledged Hardy Dormitory game was brought to an abrupt end this week thanks to the campaign’s primary mystery being easily solved with available spells. The campaign, while only being in its fourth session, was scheduled to last the entire semester. The early conclusion leaves the group’s leader with a predicament. “I’m not really sure where to go from here,” says the group’s dungeon master, Eve Mansfold. “I was counting on getting around 50 hours out of the content I made. But thanks to Speak with Dead, we got about 12. It really feels like I wasted that 3 years I spent writing it.”

While the adventure may not have been what Mansfold expected, most of the players seem happy with the result, if only because they don’t believe it to be the true end. “I really thought the mystery would be the crux of the campaign,” Geoff Silvers tells The Dungeon Tribune. “It was quite the twist to reveal it was just the beginning. If it started out this great, I can’t wait to see where we go from here.”

Only one player suspects the mystery’s conclusion wasn’t planned. Former dungeon master for the group, Amanda Finnees, was immediately aware of what had transpired. “I could see the dread in (Mansfold’s) eyes,” say Finnees. “I’ve felt it myself while running games.” Far from a the unforgivable sin Mansfold believes it to be, Finnees sees the oversight as a right of passage for dungeon masters. “We all forget about Speak with Dead at least once. (Mansfold) is new, this is her first time. But if it didn’t happen now, it’d happen eventually.” Despite the mistake, Finnees is still excited about the game. “Honestly I’m just glad to get a break from DMing for once.”

Expert dungeon masters have weighed in with advice since the discovery. Many have recommended writing a new campaign based on the developments, or pivoting to a more sandbox style game. Some have even recommended moving toward a pre-written module. “It wouldn’t be difficult,” notes author and celebrity dungeon master Jake Lanning. “All you have to do is make one NPC a vampire and boom, you’re in Curse of Strahd!” For those not interested in converting to a published solution, Lanning does have one alternative. “Have you even seen the movie ‘Goundhog Day’?”

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Funding for public wizard schools has been slashed once again in the Sovereign State of Elkshold and local wizard teachers are now facing a shortage of supplies for their classes. Their only solution thus far has been to purchase the necessary spell components with money out of their own pocket. “I don’t know what else we can do,” says veteran wizarding teacher Olgrave Windsmire. “If we want to give students a quality education in modern wizarding, we need spell components.” While others are suggesting a more theoretical approach to the subject material that won’t require the components, Windsmire doesn’t view that as an option. “If students want to learn the arcana and the history of magic, they can read that in a book. These classes should be hands-on and give students a safe environment to practice real world spellcasting.” For full disclosure, Windsmire was a vendor of spell components for the school system in addition to being a teacher.

The leading proponent for the aforementioned theoretical approach to magic education, Leos Procfield, points out that funding may have been cut to the public wizard schools for a reason. “We have to face the possibility that the Crown and Council of Advisors have been cutting funding to the wizarding programs for a reason,” Procfield tells The Dungeon Tribune. “They obviously don’t believe that public school students should be using precious resources learning to actually cast spells when they could learn about how they would cast spells, if they could, for a fraction of the cost. This is still more than enough training to be able to work for a privately trained wizard.” For full disclosure, Procfield owns a very expensive private school that does provide training in spellcasting.

Most teachers in the Elkshold Public Wizard School System are focused, for the time being, on getting the spell components needed for class. “I’ve been begging, borrowing, and stealing,” says local instructor Rigmist. “I mean literally. The thieves’ guilds have all volunteered to be on the lookout for loot that could help. For a bunch of thieves, they are surprisingly community oriented.” Amongst the main efforts of Rigmist and her fellow teachers, is a supply drive asking for donations from those in the community. “So far the drive has been a success,” notes Rigmist. “Turns out most people are glad to give for a cause that helps their community. If only there was a formal organization that we could elect to be responsible for those efforts.”

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After five years of working remotely, monsters of The Underdungeon Tomb have been ordered to return to the office. Among those affected is the bugbear Kruz, who started with the dungeon 2 years ago through a mercenary headhunter. Like many denizens of the dungeon, he was hired as a permanent remote monster and isn’t happy with the mandate to appear in person. “I’ve never even been to the dungeon,” Kruz told The Dungeon Tribune. “It would be a 5 hour commute each way, and that’s only if I get a horse.” Kruz’s choice is an easy one from his perspective. “I’ve already updated my resume. I’m really glad I did that trap maintenance certificate and held onto my freelance clients.”

Not everyone is exploring other opportunities, though. Some monsters are even excited to return to the office. “So much of my social life was centered around the dungeon,” says hobgoblin Lugg, that no one likes. “It’ll be great to be back in a place with people feel obligated to talk to me. I was upset when the pestilence forced us to work from our hovels to begin with.” The other monster excited by the return is Ertes the Orc, who believes that tangible synergies are lost when the team isn’t in close proximity. “When we’re working independently, it’s hard to get other people to do my work of me.”

Despite Ertes’ sentiments, most of the dungeon’s monsters feel that there aren’t any real productivity benefits to be gained from returning. “This isn’t the (11)90’s,” says workforce consultant Kieln Owlcrest. “A majority of these dungeon positions can be done remotely, some with increased productivity due to better monster morale. Many monsters are more eager to harass adventurers if they can do it while waiting on the thatcher to show up.” The belief is so prevalent that many monsters feel the move must be due to ulterior motives. “They don’t really care if we’re marginally more productive,” says svirfneblin Gigjet. “They just want everyone so that the dungeons property value doesn’t plummet.”

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Local player James St. Smythe is not enjoying his regular Dungeons and Dragons game that, reports indicate, he helped derail. “There’s a lot of problems. Where do I start?” St. Smythe tells The Dungeon Tribune completely unprovoked. “There doesn’t seem to be much of a story. I had hoped when I ignored the Archwizard’s plea to save his life when we found him dying, that it would lead to something interesting. Maybe I missed it, but if I did, there should have at least been some breadcrumbs.”

In addition to the complaints regarding plot, St. Smythe also took issue with the NPCs. “Everyone has such generic names. You can tell (the DM) just made them up on the spot. And none of them are interesting enough to roleplay with. You think after I killed several dozen of them for no reason that they’d want to interact with me.”

And NPCs weren’t the only source of frustration with regards to social interaction. “I can barely get any of the other players to contribute,” laments St. Smythe. “I make sure that after I’m always the first person to react to dialogue, that I put the other players on the spot by asking them unrelated questions.”

St. Smythe’s fellow players also seem to be unhappy with the state of the game they once enjoyed. “The last campaign was amazing, but something is off with this one,” says long term player Sari Ertz. “The only difference I can think of is that we lost a player. Good thing (St. Smythe) was there to fill in!”

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Local woman Sinclair Davies wants more than just a one-shot. “I don’t have anything against them,” Davies tells The Dungeon Tribune. “I’m just ready for something different, something regular with a group that makes me laugh.” That isn’t to say she is ready for something more serious, far from it. “Oh no, I’m definitely not looking for an ongoing campaign. That’s a big jump and I’m not ready for that kind of commitment.” Davies has gone down that route before with less than stellar results. “I was in a campaign that I thought would last the rest of my life, it seemed perfect. And then one day I find they have a separate Discord where they’re looking for a paladin…which is the class I played.”

Leaving the group she had invested in for over 5 years is what lead her to play one-shots in the first place. “The last couple of months weren’t very fun, so coming out of it that’s all I wanted. All the fun with none of the baggage.” For Davies, that lack of commitment comes with a freedom she hasn’t had in awhile. “It’d be nice to see what’s out there while also having a steady game. I wouldn’t be opposed to playing two, maybe even three games at the same time if I found some fun groups.”

Not everyone in Davis’ life is supporting her decision though. Her best friend and former roommate, Mary Itszin feels Davies is setting herself up for heartbreak. “If you’re not looking for a permanent game, you’re asking to be hurt,” Itszin lamented. “What happens if you reach the end of the module and you realize there’s nothing beyond? She’ll be in the same place she is now.” Itszin also expressed concern that finding groups isn’t getting any easier. “There already aren’t many great groups left out there at her age. The good ones are filling up quick.”

Sinclair’s mother, Ireane Davies, shares many of Itszin’s concerns. “I found my permanent game when I was 19,” Ireane explains. “I know the world is different now, but it’ll still be difficult to find a permanent game later on.” The elder Davies isn’t sure what the issue is to begin with. “All her sisters found their games, why isn’t she following their example. She’s going to end up desperately looking for games online. This isn’t a Hallmark movie where she’ll be in her small hometown for the holidays and meet the perfect DM looking to start a game.”

Despite the objections from those close to her, Davies is determined to live life on her own terms and pursue what she wants. “Who knows,” Davies ponders. “Maybe one day I’ll DM my own game.

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Andufs Gumbledire, Headmaster of Gumbledire’s School for Wizards, announced Friday that loitering on school grounds, especially by otherworldly patrons looking to strike deals with students, will no longer by tolerated. “It’s distracting for the students,” Gumbledire expressed to The Dungeon Tribune in an interview regarding the change. “Students come to spend years studying theoretical and impractical aspects of the subtle weave from which magic can be harnessed. What they don’t need is Fiends and Great Old Ones filling their heads with silly visions of power.”

The new focus wasn’t originally Gumbledire’s, though. For years, concerned members of the PTA (Parent Thaumaturge Association) have asked for stricter enforcement of existing rules regarding campus access. “I told Gumbledire it would escalate,” said Head of the PTA, Gildas Silemore. “If you keep letting poison dealers hang around, it opens the door to all sorts of problems.”

While few actually oppose the new efforts, many are pointing out that Gumbledire may have ulterior motives for the changes. “It’s great that students will be safer and have less distractions from their studies, but I’m not so sure it’s the primary concern of school management,” says one concerned parent who wishes to remain anonymous. “If it was about the students, these changes would have been made long ago. The only reason they’re being implemented now is because it’s affecting the bottom line.”

While not overwhelming, there is some evidence to support these suspicions. Both enrollment and graduation rates have been declining at the school in recent years. Some members of the public, particularly warlock patrons, believe they know why. “They can’t handle the competition,” says celestial patron Olendriel the Pure. “Why would students want to pay outrageous fees and spend years learning arcane knowledge that doesn’t help them in the real world, when they could just make a deal with any of the number of patrons willing to negotiate.”

Some advocates aren’t convinced, though. “They’re just children!” says concerned teacher, Engrid Chalkwilder. “They’re so easily influenced and shouldn’t be making such big decisions on their own. And these patrons are expert manipulators. One student told me a patron promised him a really fast horse and a charisma bonus if he enlisted today.”

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Self-described roleplayer, Aaron Sundersmyte, suddenly shifted into combat mode earlier today when his gaming group was ambushed by a horde of goblins. The change, as described by fellow gamers, was almost as if he was playing two different characters. “It’s pretty simple,” Sundersmyte told The Dungeon Tribune. “I have a very complex character with a rich history that shapes how they see the world and the decisions they make. But you can’t expect me to keep that up during combat. I need to do the most damage possible!”

“The shift” is one that his fellow players are all too familiar with. “He’s always talking about being true to the character and their unique perspective,” says fellow gamer Grace Addinglite. “But as soon as we role initiative his character becomes some sort of damage optimization machine.” Addinglite isn’t the only one at the table to find the dynamic odd. “I can understand him continuing to fight, even though his best friend was making death saving throws,” says the group’s dungeon master, Guy Weatherbeat. “But after having a 45 minute scene about how close they are last session, I would think he would at least help him before looting the monsters.”

For others at the table, it isn’t so much the dissonance between in and out of combat, but feelings of hypocrisy that upset them the most. “He’s always saying we should roleplay more, but I think for him that just means doing a silly voice,” says Erin Housel. “Meanwhile his character refuses to take any spells that don’t do damage.” Recent addition to the group, Geoff Prump, echoes the sentiments. “He told me once that not everything has to be combat, and suggested I should watch him when he interacts with NPCs to learn how to roleplay,” says Prump. “That was right before a social interaction where he attacked a town guard out of frustration.”

Sundersmyte himself doesn’t see anything wrong with his play style. “What do they expect me to do? Forego doing massive damage using a cool spell and instead use combat as a chance to show my character’s true self under heightened pressure where actions have more weight and meaning?”

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I've been playing D&D for over 50 years. During that time I've played many different editions, campaigns, and settings. I've battled just about every type of dragon, and have explored at least 70% of every dungeon published. I've bore witness to some of the most epic moments in the game's history. I express this to you not to seek recognition for myself, but for the one character I have played for the totality of the 2,437 sessions: Fart Butt. After all the character has done in Greyhawk, Forgotten Realms, Planescape, and Ebberon, he deserves to have his exploits canonized officially in D&D lore.

From the very beginning, Fart Butt was destined for greatness. In his first foray from The Keep on The Borderland, he became the sole survivor of a terrible cloud of poison that killed his companions in the Caves of Chaos. Yes, it is weird that no such cloud had ever been observed in the caves before Fart Butt’s exploration, and that none of the monsters could have created the noxious fumes, but this makes his travel their even more legendary. If only the rest of the party had survived the foul odors.

Later, in perhaps one of his most notable exploits, he single handedly destroyed the lich Acererack with rarely used sound magic. When faced with almost certain destruction, the hero bravely created a sonic boom that reverberated throughout the stone halls of the Tomb of Horrors, until finally shattering the last corporeal remains of the undead necromancer. Sadly, the rest of his party perished in an almost identical poison cloud that seemed to spawn at the same time as the triumphant deep bellow.

Finally, while scouting sahuagin forces underwater in an effort to aid the village of Saltmarsh, Fart Butt epically saved his party members when they were ambushed by summoning a massive amount of bubbles. Such quantity had never been seen before or since, and were enough to provide cover for the party to flee and reach the surface. Unfortunately, upon reaching the safety of the surface, the entire party died from yet another cloud of poisonous gas, and all of the villagers faced a similar fate when Fart Butt returned the next day.

Not all player characters can be added to the official canons of D&D lore, and very few should. But if there is one character who should be added for his countless adventures over the last half of a century, that character should be Fart Butt.

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Local player Chris Greyhill was asked Wednesday to explain Dungeons and Dragons to someone who had heard him and his friends discussing the game, and reports indicate that he did a poor job. "I was sitting at the lunch table with him and his group while they were talking about their last session, and I was intrigued. It sounded like it could be fun," says a local college student who wishes to only be identified as Jen. "But after hearing (Greyhill), I'm more confused than ever."

Other players from Greyhill's group, known as the Table of Five, feel equally bewildered by the player's explanation. "It sounds like he's playing a completely different game than us," says longtime player Jepp Halogron. "I'm all for letting the game be whatever you want it to be, but (Greyhill) described it like it was a villain simulator."

Newer player Erik Allpen tells The Dungeon Tribune that if Greyhill's explanation was his introduction to the game, he probably wouldn't have joined the group. "When I was introduced to the game, there was a nice elevator pitch that focused on roleplaying and adventure. I was told I could create a whole new character in a living, breathing, fantasy world. But (Greyhill) spent at least 10 minutes talking about his homebrew magical sword."

The only one not perplexed in the group is the dungeon master, Kris Attil. “Honestly, it explains a lot.” Attil went on the explain that it always seemed Greyhill was not on the same page. “One time after he killed a crucial NPC, that I spent hours developing, I asked him why he did it. He responded that if I had spent that much time on the character, ‘they probably had a magical item’.”

Greyhill himself was confused when confronted with his fellow players' reactions. "I assumed we were all trying to live out a power fantasy where we're unstoppable and have all sorts of cool magical items," says Greyhill. "If they're not doing that, then what are they doing? Trying to escape to a world where they’re capable of making meaningful change?”

When asked whether she would ever try to play D&D, Jen replied "It seems too complicated. I'll probably just keep working on my quantum physics research instead."

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Hasbro announced Thursday that all work on a 6^th edition of the table-top roleplaying game Dungeons and Dragons has been cancelled. The press release stated that the cancellation was due to problems with scheduling and availability. “We just can’t find a time when we’re all available,” says lead designer Erin Gavins. “It happens to all teams eventually.” Gavins proceeded into more detail about the situation that brought the development to a stop. “Well I got a new job, so I can’t do weekdays anymore” Gavins began to tell the Dungeon Tribune. “Frank (Crien) is starting college soon with night classes, Liz (Lutzin) has a new girlfriend that she can only spend time with on the weekends, Sean (Alven) joined the army, and Grace (Edini) sort of just disappeared.”

In addition to availability problems, the development team lost their basement, which they had been developing in for years. “That basement was special, so many good memories,” stated Alven. “Where are we going to get together now? The office? The library?” Several attempts to virtually develop 6^th edition have failed despite having most of the group available. “We did find a time to meet, and the only hurdle was Ted (Wegan) moved away. We did try to let him call-in through Discord, and even tried a couple of fully online sessions, but it just didn’t feel the same.”

Others on the team echoed the sentiment that something was different as well. “We lost the momentum,” says Crien. “It’s really hard to get things going again after taking a break. Some people even went on the work on other games. I heard (Edini) went to be a developer at World of Warcraft, but I don’t believe that.”

Editor’s note: Grace Edini is currently on the development team for the Baldur’s Gate III TTRPG.

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Larian Studios announced earlier today that following the massive success of Baldur’s Gate 3, the studio is developing a tabletop role-playing game set in the Baldur’s Gate Extended Universe. “Nothing like this has ever been done,” says Larian Studios representative Sheena Hibbs. “We’re taking the same world, characters, and action you loved in the video game, and bringing it to the kitchen table. Finally Baldur’s Gate is coming to tabletop!”

That isn’t to say that the development has been a smooth one. “Since this type of game hasn’t existed in tabletop form, we’ve had to develop all of it from scratch,” says lead developer Tara Fleet. “It was a whole new system, like none ever seen before.” Even the most basic aspects had to be reimagined according the Fleet. “A great example is the dice rolling mechanics,” Fleet tells The Dungeon Tribune. “We had to come up with a way to make that digital action work in an analog setting. There were all sorts of similar adaptation problems.” When asked if there were any other tabletop games it would be compatible with, Fleet indicated there were none.

Many players we’ve interviewed were excited at the concept of being able to bring their digital characters to life. “It could be a wonderful way to play when the power goes out,” says long time Baldurian Greg Thompton. “I’m excited to see how they implement character sheets. Maybe they will be stored on the blockchain!”

Not everyone is thrilled about the studio’s efforts, though, as many players don’t see the project as worthwhile. In particular, many fans are not happy with the “Dungeon Master” feature, which is intended to provide a living, breathing human to adjudicate and narrate the sessions. In theory, it could mean unlimited options for players, as the Dungeon Master could adapt to player actions in ways a programmed game can’t. But many players see it as a step in the wrong direction. “What if the Dungeon Master is bad?” says Keith Hartwick, Editor of the Baldur’s Gate 3 wiki. “It’s bad enough that they are making us use our imagination, but they’re also putting the game in the hands of a human? Surely AI could do a better job.”

Despite some player objections, the game is begin considered a leap forward for many data scientists, who are excited about alternative data storage capabilities. “They are taking thousands of lines of code, and converting it into only a few hundred pages of text,” says Data Analytics Professor Lester Kellof. “They’re calling it a ‘book’. From there they’ll use an actual human as a PLLM (Pseudo-Large Language Model) to fill in the gaps of the game. It’s really quite remarkable.”

No word on how DLC will be handled in the new tabletop format.

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A roast battle at “Sir Yucks-A-Lot" comedy club turned deadly last night when local bard, Simwaite Vorgell began using Vicious Mockery on his opponents. The weekly contest has seen some sick burns in the past, but this is the first time the establishment has seen psychic damage. “This is the first time anyone has used the cantrip in competition here,” says owner and master of ceremonies Kien Oldkelp. “Most people with that level of skill don’t waste their time with roast battles.”

The spell was immediately used in the first round by Vorgell, stunning the opponent and the audience. “It was surprising for sure. The jokes weren’t that good, but they were dealing damage.” says innocent bystander Erol Honeyleaf. “It was mostly stuff like ‘you’re like blank if they were homeless’ and the like. It was hard to believe that material like that counts as vicious.”

Members of the audience were quick to criticize the spells use, calling for an end to the contest when Vorgell’s first round opponent fell. “I completely agree with the audience, the whole show should have been stopped,” says bartender and judge, Stimly Perseal. “But believe it or not, there’s nothing in the rule book about not attacking your opponent.”

Despite the claim that everything was within the rules, surviving contestants still feel cheated. “Oh sure, he gets to use spells,” says Brute Beefshire. “But if I had used my axe I would have been disqualified. Just one more way their trying to cheat melee.”

If there was any justice to be had, it came from the celebrity judge’s decisions. “Yeah, technically he was the only one not eliminated by vote or death,” says contest judge and drive time shock-jester “Immovable” Rod of “Immovable Rod and Young Bronze In The Morning.” “But we still couldn’t give him the win because he didn’t bring the required 5 audience members.”

As for the contestants that perished in the contest, they will be resurrected and given 2 free drink tickets each.

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The Dungeon Tribune’s Master Investigation Network – Missing Adventurer or Explorer (MIN-MAX) began looking for Justim Windlow earlier today after they had been reported missing. The tip, received on our 24/7 hotline late last night, indicates that Windlow has missed the last 3 sessions of their regular game, which they have participated in for over a year. “They still attend class and go to work,” indicates the anonymous tip. “They just hasn’t been back to the game since their Fighter found a +3 Longsword.”

Members of MIN-MAX have reached out to other regular attendees of the game for more information. “It was weird,” says Tera Krint. “They made this big deal about wanting the sword, and argued they should get it because of their perfect attendance. ‘It’ll do the most good if I have it, since I’m always here’ they said.” Krint also expressed that the events have not made some players very happy. “Joe (Nesbit) and Sam (Youngstun) were both pretty upset that they ended up with the sword.” Krint indicated her rogue had no interest in the sword, except to sell it.

Nesbit and Youngstun didn’t hide their feelings when interviewed. “I didn’t think their character should get the sword,” says Nesbit. “Their fighter took Archery for their fighting style, and I don’t think they’re ever even been in melee range. But they said since he’d pick up a feat for it next level.” Youngstun echoed the sentiment that there were better candidates for the magical item. “The sword was named ‘Dawnlight’, just like the sword from my character’s backstory. It was the sword stolen from her parents,” explained Youngstun. “It was clearly meant for my paladin. The only reason I agreed to let them have it is because they convinced me it would be cool to build up tension.”

Windlow even arranged a roleplay situation to give the sword away when they found out its significance, according to Dungeon Master Ellis Chipworth. “We sat down and wrote this really cool scenario where there would be a big reveal, and then Justim’s character would give the sword to Sam’s Paladin so they could slay the devil who killed her parents. (Windlow) even made me promise not to cancel the next 4 sessions so it could play out. But then they stopped showing up.” When asked if there were any plans to retroactively give the sword to Youngstun’s paladin, Jo’arch Oathplate, if Windlow never returns, Chipworth indicated there wasn’t. “That sword is lost with all the other items in the Bag of Holding the fighter was carrying.”

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Reports around town are that local boyfriend, Keith Reynolls, did not notice that his girlfriend, Amy St. Smith, had multiclassed earlier today. The Dungeon Tribune first heard of the news from St. Smith’s best friend, Kat DeKilt. “She is pissed,” DeKilt told staff at the office nail salon. “It took her all day to get the 15 medium encounters and a long rest to level up, and (Keith) didn’t say a word.”

We reached out to St. Smith, and she confirmed that Reynolls is in trouble. “I was wearing a breast plate!” says St. Smith. “I never wore medium armor when I was only a rogue. The entire time I was trying to get him to notice by reflecting light in his face. How could he not notice the metal when he hugged me?”

DeKilt expressed concern for Reynolls’ wellbeing given the circumstances. “It was so obvious, it’s hard for (Amy) not to see it as a slight. She was so upset she actually took another paladin level to be able to divine smite. I really hope he’s not secretly a shadow demon of some sort.”

This incident, far from being isolated, is another in a long series across the relationship, and St. Smith’s frustration is growing with each instance of obliviousness or indifference from Reynolls. “This is just like the time I redesigned the bathroom. He pretended like he didn’t notice the pit trap I added in front of the toilet. And does he think you can just buy a candle to get that acrid odor? I worked really hard on that potpourri.”

Reynoll’s best friend, Guy Antony, seemed surprised when Dungeon Tribune staff reached out for comment? “Wait,” asked Antony before several seconds of squinting. “Kat was a rogue?” Antony later expressed gratitude for not being in Reynolls’ shoes. “I’d hate to be Keith, but I think I’d notice if my girlfriend multiclassed.” Antony’s girlfriend, Erin Brough, later revealed in an interview that she took levels in Fighter years ago.”

Reynolls, when asked for comment, acted indifferent. “She knew I wasn’t good at noticing stuff like that when we started dating,” revealed the boyfriend. “But she is, and it’d be a waste if we both had the same skillset. It’s better that I focus on arcane knowledge and animal handling.”

Reports indicated that after the interviews Reynoll’s and St. Smith had an argument over whether the incident was due to a failed a perception or investigation check.

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