Chandelier Just Happens to be Positioned Above Bad Guys
“Currently our ‘Days Since Last Chandelier Death’ tracker is at 3 days, which is the highest it's even been.”
Reports coming out of Castle Negstal indicate that 5 different evil henchmen are standing underneath a very heavy chandelier. The main report comes from local adventuring group, Banded Steel, who are trapped in cages outside the lobby. “They are standing there,” says the group’s rogue, Leif Arcstrider. “And they were discussing how afraid they are of lighting fixtures in general, but particularly those with candles.”
Other prisoners indicate the bad guys may be stuck there. “I can see something sticky on their boots, making it difficult for them to move,” says fellow prisoner Gyll Kexstep. “It could be honey, but it’s hard to tell because it’s in the red part of the carpet that looks suspiciously like a bullseye.”
When asked, local henchman standing under the lighting source commented that “it wouldn’t be realistic unless some of us were standing in an environmental hazard.” “It’s a shame that it’s us though,” adds the lackey, “We’re all vulnerable to chandelier damage due to childhood trauma, as our parents were all killed in chandelier mishaps.”
The chandelier itself doesn’t look particularly safe either. “I feel like one arrow could cause the whole thing to come down,” notes Kexstep. In addition to less than sufficient rigging, certain features of the fixture add danger as well. “I’m not sure why they asked for this,” designer Suspended Steelwick tells The Dungeon Tribune. “But the chandelier is covered in poison-tipped spikes. Seems pretty unsafe, but they paid well, enough for me to throw in the 5 ton anvil decoration. They didn’t spring for a new rope though. Last I checked they were still using an old frayed roped that was coated in flammable oil.”
The League of Imperial Castle Inspectors has taken notice of previous chandelier incidents over the years and has recommended several measures to promote safety. “We couldn’t get them to take the chandelier out completely, despite a staggering mortality rate for the castle’s hired mercenaries,” says Lead Inspector Trevy Elaise. “We did get them to put up some warning signs in both Common and Elvish though.” Reports do indicate that signs along the wall warn that “Falling chandeliers could cause massive damage to groups of henchmen” with stick figure illustrations of the danger.
When asked about the future safety of the castle, Elaise seems optimistic. “Currently our ‘Days Since Last Chandelier Death’ tracker is at 3 days, which is the highest it’s ever been.” When asked about the use of a such a dangerous lighting source, the boss of the castle, Lord Darkmount, stated that he “just really likes chandeliers.”