Doctors Debate: Infants Should be Hexcrawling by Nine Months

“We also saw those infants were more likely to keep notes, track rations, and make their own maps.”

A recent study conducted by the American Medical Association reveals that infants should be Hexcrawling somewhere between 8 and 9 months old under ideal circumstances. The longitudinal study, which looked at 816 infants, followed them over the course of their life from birth to age 50. The results showed strong correlation between infants that had reached hexcrawling ability by 9 months old and many major outcomes in adult life. “The infants that were exposed to campaigns that involved overland travel, random encounter tables, and sandbox settings early on were far more likely to develop leadership skills in terms of becoming dungeon masters themselves,” says Head Researcher Dr. Wes Marches. “We also saw those infants were more likely to keep notes, track rations, and make their own maps.”

There are some, even in the research group, that voice concerns about the implications of such a conclusion. “While I agree with the results of the study, I feel the prescriptive usefulness is limited,” says Associate Researcher James Fortkeep. “For example, it provides no guidance for guardians who actually want their kids to have fun. Hexcrawls are lame.”

Also voicing concerns with the results are the Parents for Storytelling Roleplay. The organization, which first made headlines for wanting to remove dice from Dungeons and Dragons because “good storytelling shouldn’t be left to chance,” sees the study as far too normative. “It’s clear they have an agenda. They want to convince people that this is a game, and should be played as such,” says PSR representative Linda Harsite. “But the truth of the matter is D&D should be about telling stories. Every second these children are worrying about the minutia of wilderness survival is a second they aren’t studying ‘The Hero’s Journey.’ How can they construct a story circle if they’re busy playing a game?”

Local gamers were too busy having fun to be interviewed for comment.