Dragon Upset Lotto Winnings Paid in Installments and Not Giant Pile of Gold
“I can’t swim in a pile of annuities.”
Local Adult Red Dragon and Imperial Lottery winner, Hethoraxax, has expressed frustration upon realizing his winnings will be paid in yearly installments, and not one lump sum of treasure. The Dungeon Tribune sat down with the Lord of the Charlands to discuss his concerns, many of which are with the intangible nature of the winnings. “What am I going to do with a check?” says Hethoraxax. “I can’t lay on a hoard of checks. Well, I could, but it wouldn’t be very fun. They aren’t even oversized cardboard checks, just paper.” The dragon wasn’t encouraged by the other alternatives for receiving his winnings either. “Direct deposit? At least I might be able to lure adventurers to their doom if I endorse a check. I can’t tempt adventurers into my lair with a deposit receipt.”
Before out interview, much of the dragon’s frustration was being ascribed by experts to cultural differences. “For humanoid civilizations, much of the value of items such as gold is tied to purchasing power,” says Royal Dungeonologist Elks Tovarb. “But for dragons, we theorize they enjoy the tactile sensation from, say, rolling around in gold or diving into a pile of treasure.” Hethoraxax seems to confirm this belief in conversation. “I can’t swim in a pile of annuities.”
This theory isn’t without controversy though. Church of the Empire Dragonologist, Gris Aworj, believes the dragons need for physical currency is due to a pursuit of social status. “Dragons are very social creatures, not unlike most humanoids,” says Aworj. “We can’t underestimate how much of their behavior is due to ‘keeping up with the Ungarxazzes’.” Our interviewee provided evidence to this theory as well by noting that the amount of his yearly payment “isn’t even enough to make a wooden chest overflow.”
Hethoraxax, himself, doesn’t deny that these factors influence him, but has expressed a more benevolent reason for wanting more liquidity in his prize. “I really wanted to build an orphanage for local children,” the dragon admits. “I burned down the last one, and if I build a new one, I can burn it down too.”
When asked about possible solutions, Hethoraxax commented “It’s my money, and I want it now! I’m calling GJ Wantforth!” The dragon then proceeded to breath fire on an accountant that mentioned tax implications.