Due to Budget Cuts, One in Five Hydra Heads Laid Off
“Sure, it will save money in the short term, but eventually all the heads will grow back.”
Annual reports filed earlier this week reveal budget cuts have left 20% of hydra heads laid off from local investment firm Alebarrel and Hzgryt Inc. “It wasn’t easy,” says Vice President of Human Resources for A&H, Olek Furlough. “It’s choices like these that are so tough that I delegate them in people who aren’t paid as much.”
The individual forced to decide which heads stayed and which heads rolled was HR Specialist Ydrews Shardcrystal. “Well of course there are some heads that are critical to our success. Some of them bring in millions of gold pieces with their client list. And then you must consider seniority as well,” Shardcrystal tells The Dungeon Tribune. “The result is that sometimes some of the cuts break up the hydra. We wished we could keep the hydras whole, but we have shareholders to report to and they don’t care about keeping hydras in tact.”
Hope is not lost for the recently cut heads, as A&H has provided a generous severance package and been working with local headhunter Grit (no last name provided) to find employment for the heads. “I have to admit, this isn’t the headhunting I generally do,” says Grit. “But I have been successful in placing many of the severed heads in roles with competitors that are often seen as a step up from their previous position.”
Many analysts have panned A&H’s decision, including Securities Analyst Tuk Longposition. “This is very obviously a myopic solution with no long-term considerations,” Longposition wrote in ‘The Finance Wizard’. “Sure, it will save money in the short term, but eventually all the heads will grow back.”