Nation’s Healthcare to be Replaced with Staff of Healing

“What if no one around can attune to it? Did they ever think about that?"

The Council of Elders for the Free State of Keudarn voted today to replace the nation’s healthcare system with a single Staff of Healing. “It wasn’t an easy decision to make,” says Elder Silush Blackpaw. “But the council agreed that as long as we could hoard this power over the people, this decision was for the best.” Elder Rafferty Walpert echoed these sentiments stating that healthcare “is a limited resource, and the best way to allocate limited resources is to let the people with the most gold, and close friends of the Council, use them without regard for need.” “Obviously, those with the most gold are the most important,” adds Elder Burcet Paigev, who inherited his mithril mine and seat on the Council from his father.

Not everyone is as excited about the decision as the Elders. “It’s a completely unrealistic plan to have one Staff to serve the entire country” says political pundit and policy wonk Jadar Quirted. “What if no one around can attune to it? Did they ever think about that? Are they going to subsidize the bard college to get more people who can use it? I don’t think they’ll be giving money to the clergy, and druids are just plain creepy.” Jadar also expressed concerns about the sustainability of a healthcare based around a magical item. “The population is going to continue to grow, but the number of charges in the staff will not. We need definitive plans for acquiring a second staff in the next ten years if the Council wants this to work.”  Others were hoping for a plan that was more comprehensive. “I agree that we need reform” says local innkeeper Reginald Uthbright, “but I was hoping those reforms could have at least included Greater Resoration.” Uthbright’s wife has been on the waiting list to be un-petrified for 6 years after trying to care for an injured basilisk.

The biggest objections are coming from those who favor the current healthcare system, many of which are currently protesting outside of the Elders’ tower. “What’s wrong with leeches?” asks the protest sign of Grim Ritzbat of Ritzbat’s Medicinal Leeches and Sundry. “Maybe they don’t work, but you have to respect tradition. This nation was founded by evil wizards who used leeches to harvest souls to try to live forever. Do we really want to lose that part of our heritage?” Leech farmers won’t be the only ones disrupted by the changes; old hermits living in caves making mysterious potions will also see a decrease in subsidies from the Council. Hermit lobbyists were absent from policy deliberations and could not be reached for comment.

Those in favor of the sweeping changes are quick to point out that the decision does not prevent people from simply dying and being resurrected. “We’re not taking away anyone’s choice in how they receive healthcare. If they want to make a deal with a devil in exchange for their soul, they are more than welcome to do so. But we can’t expect taxpayers to pay for the animal sacrifice, or to heal the person who has cut their hand open for a blood pact.” “We’re all for the plan and believe it will make our lives significantly easier” says local necromancer Mortis Khune. “If trained medical staff aren’t available to take care of the ill, we sure will be!”