Op-Ed: My Character, Fart Butt, Should Be Canonized in Lore

"He became the sole survivor of a terrible cloud of poison that killed his companions."

I've been playing D&D for over 50 years. During that time I've played many different editions, campaigns, and settings. I've battled just about every type of dragon, and have explored at least 70% of every dungeon published. I've bore witness to some of the most epic moments in the game's history. I express this to you not to seek recognition for myself, but for the one character I have played for the totality of the 2,437 sessions: Fart Butt. After all the character has done in Greyhawk, Forgotten Realms, Planescape, and Ebberon, he deserves to have his exploits canonized officially in D&D lore.

From the very beginning, Fart Butt was destined for greatness. In his first foray from The Keep on The Borderland, he became the sole survivor of a terrible cloud of poison that killed his companions in the Caves of Chaos. Yes, it is weird that no such cloud had ever been observed in the caves before Fart Butt’s exploration, and that none of the monsters could have created the noxious fumes, but this makes his travel their even more legendary. If only the rest of the party had survived the foul odors.

Later, in perhaps one of his most notable exploits, he single handedly destroyed the lich Acererack with rarely used sound magic. When faced with almost certain destruction, the hero bravely created a sonic boom that reverberated throughout the stone halls of the Tomb of Horrors, until finally shattering the last corporeal remains of the undead necromancer. Sadly, the rest of his party perished in an almost identical poison cloud that seemed to spawn at the same time as the triumphant deep bellow.

Finally, while scouting sahuagin forces underwater in an effort to aid the village of Saltmarsh, Fart Butt epically saved his party members when they were ambushed by summoning a massive amount of bubbles. Such quantity had never been seen before or since, and were enough to provide cover for the party to flee and reach the surface. Unfortunately, upon reaching the safety of the surface, the entire party died from yet another cloud of poisonous gas, and all of the villagers faced a similar fate when Fart Butt returned the next day.

Not all player characters can be added to the official canons of D&D lore, and very few should. But if there is one character who should be added for his countless adventures over the last half of a century, that character should be Fart Butt.