Pyromancer Agrees, Global Warming is Melting the Ice Caps
“There is no chance it could be anything else, at all, so everyone can just move on. No reason to keep investigating.”
Wrexal the Scorcher, evil pyromancer of the north, held a press conference earlier today to announce that he agrees it is most likely global warming that is melting the ice caps in Heldonweld. In addition, he recommended that researchers stop looking into the issue. “I’m 100% sure that the increase in carbon emissions have increased the average global temperature, causing a decrease in the ice caps,” Wrexal tells the crowd of journalists outside his tower in the North Frost. “There is no chance it could be anything else, at all, so everyone can just move on. No reason to keep investigating. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have fire elementals to summon.”
The announcement comes after the Academy of Natural Magic announced reports that global warming was likely the main cause, but certain irregularities warranted study. Such anomalies included greater melting in some areas compared to others. “It is very strange,” says Senior Research Analyst Grifhog Heelhoof. “We noticed that the areas near Wrexal’s tower experienced more loss than other areas. I’d like to look further into the situation. If something else is happening, Wrexal could be in danger.” Heelhoof stated that in the areas of concern bat guano, sulfur, and phosphorus were found, all of which are material components of fire-based spells. “I would hate it if a rival pyromancer was threatening him and we didn’t do anything about it.”
Wrexal addressed the safety concerns during the conference as well. “I understand that people are concerned on my behalf, but I promise, everyone can just leave. There’s nothing worth looking into, and the researchers could be spending their time working on a solution to carbon emissions instead.” Echoing Wrexal’s sentiment is Academy Oversight Analyst Kripsid Groomsbeer speaking to The Dungeon Tribune. “We should be moving on,” says Groomsbeer. “Wrexal is an evil wizard doing research on fire elementals, and I’d rather not disturb his work to chase red herrings about his ice melting more’.”
Groomsbeer expressed concern over spending resources on the issue as well. “Sure, we could go research why things keep disappearing in the Huron Gate, or the increase in undead in the Greenwell, but is that an efficient use of resources? Is it worth disturbing Ivodel’s teleportation developments or Mildrake’s necromancy research?”
Still others worry that there might be some connection between Wrexal’s work and the decrease in ice in his section of the North Frost. Magic watchdog Seils Jel Meir, worries that the two may even be linked causally. “You have a wizard experimenting with the maximum temperature limits of fire elementals, and at the same time huge chunks of ice are melting around his tower. It doesn’t take a genius to see there may be a connection,” says Jel Meir. “We have to consider the possibility that the melting ice caps are somehow causing Wrexal to conduct this research. It’s just too great of a coincidence.”