Three Dead After Vicious Mockery Allowed in Roast Battle
“But believe it or not, there’s nothing in the rule book about not attacking your opponent.”
A roast battle at “Sir Yucks-A-Lot" comedy club turned deadly last night when local bard, Simwaite Vorgell began using Vicious Mockery on his opponents. The weekly contest has seen some sick burns in the past, but this is the first time the establishment has seen psychic damage. “This is the first time anyone has used the cantrip in competition here,” says owner and master of ceremonies Kien Oldkelp. “Most people with that level of skill don’t waste their time with roast battles.”
The spell was immediately used in the first round by Vorgell, stunning the opponent and the audience. “It was surprising for sure. The jokes weren’t that good, but they were dealing damage.” says innocent bystander Erol Honeyleaf. “It was mostly stuff like ‘you’re like blank if they were homeless’ and the like. It was hard to believe that material like that counts as vicious.”
Members of the audience were quick to criticize the spells use, calling for an end to the contest when Vorgell’s first round opponent fell. “I completely agree with the audience, the whole show should have been stopped,” says bartender and judge, Stimly Perseal. “But believe it or not, there’s nothing in the rule book about not attacking your opponent.”
Despite the claim that everything was within the rules, surviving contestants still feel cheated. “Oh sure, he gets to use spells,” says Brute Beefshire. “But if I had used my axe I would have been disqualified. Just one more way their trying to cheat melee.”
If there was any justice to be had, it came from the celebrity judge’s decisions. “Yeah, technically he was the only one not eliminated by vote or death,” says contest judge and drive time shock-jester “Immovable” Rod of “Immovable Rod and Young Bronze In The Morning.” “But we still couldn’t give him the win because he didn’t bring the required 5 audience members.”
As for the contestants that perished in the contest, they will be resurrected and given 2 free drink tickets each.