TSA on Day 3 of Searching Bag of Holding
“We’re actually further from completing the search than when we started, when you consider we’re also looking for a lost agent in there as well.”
Local Transportation Security Administration agents are currently on day 3 of searching a suspicious Bag of Holding. The magical bag is said to be able to hold up to 500 pounds or 64 cubic feet of capacity, but the agents in charge note that it’s the bag’s organization, or lack thereof, that is the problem. “It’s not what you would call well sorted,” says Agent Max Keigler. “We’re actually further from completing the search than when we started, when you consider we’re also looking for a lost agent in there as well.” The process is causing Keigler to question the usefulness of such bags. “I honestly don’t how adventurers expect to be able to find anything in one of these.”
Luckily, authorities were quick to realize the situation at hand and act appropriately. The initial agent assigned, Lex Durvio, was considering turning the bag inside out, but vaguely remembered a recent training seminar advising against such an action. “When in doubt, keep it right side out…or is that inside out?” wonders Durvio after making the smart move to summon extra agents. “I knew there was going to be an issue when he refused to take of his Boots of Elvenkind and Belt of Giant Strength before getting to screening,” Durvio tells The Dungeon Tribune.
Thus far, the search hasn’t revealed anything illicit in the bag. “All the liquids and gels are less than 3.4 ounces per container, but we’ve already found 23 bags just for shampoo” notes Keigler. “And we haven’t identified all the other bags yet. Many appear to be alchemical in nature, and the only alchemist on staff is busy making sure the alcohol we found is under 140 proof.” As no official comment has been made, we can only speculate how authorities will treat the Alchemy Jug found during the search.
The bag’s owner, Fifdoo Wineglen, believes that this is simply a case of profiling. “Obviously this is because I’m a halfling. I’d be there and back again already if I were an elf. I should have just paid for a teleportation circle.” Wineglen explains that this isn’t the only complication he has faced on this trip. “No matter how much I insisted, they refused to strip search me.” Wineglen also doubts that this treatment will be over after the search. “They’ve already informed me that I will be responsible for repacking everything after they’re done searching.”
Officials for the TSA would like to let the readers know that this could have all been avoided if he paid extra for PreCheck.